dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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