what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
