Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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