ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
