ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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