I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
