I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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