i barfeds in our rink
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
