I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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