I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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