too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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