his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
