billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My feet surprised me
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