PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
