dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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