ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
