the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
