So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All the doctor said was why
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
