pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think im going to throw up on grandma
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
