dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
