I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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