She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
