I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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