you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
