Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
