At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
