READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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