hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
