Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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