i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
