She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
