i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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