I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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