I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i out mim tonsoeep
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
