just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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