Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
