I have demons in me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
