I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i have two assholes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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