I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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