I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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