Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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