It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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