Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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