dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
