How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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