i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
