well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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