i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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