I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
