Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
