apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
