you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
