So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
