Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
